Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
