Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
