: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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