tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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