I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
