Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Randomize
