i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
