You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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