god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
