We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
