She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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