wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
