yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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