I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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