if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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