i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
