i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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