So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
