...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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