I'm going to jail i love you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
