u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He better not be in your backpack
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
