I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
