It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
