He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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