remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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