you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
