i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
