did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize