How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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