Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
