Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
