can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
