wat bout pragnant strippers??
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
