I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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