she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
