Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
