Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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