Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
