First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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