I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
