You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
