Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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