I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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