I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im holly from the hills drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hospital has no fireball
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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