i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
