I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
