im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
