im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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