piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
