just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
