she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
