just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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