you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he shaved USA in his pubs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
