weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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