So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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