Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
