I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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