theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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