The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
