You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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