Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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