You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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