I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
