i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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