This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
