i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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