dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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