so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
