So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
