there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
