I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
