what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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