Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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