You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your cock deserves a montage
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
