also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
