I'm really into asian looking animals
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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