So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
