I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
