I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
